MODERN LOVE LANGUAGE RELATIONSHIP COACHING
I joyfully reject relationship hierarchies and the idea that there is a one-size-fits-most way to find and sustain relationships.
My relationship coaching style prioritizes authenticity and emotional awareness over “the rules” so my clients can create, build, and maintain relationships that are on THEIR terms. That can be:
Romantic partners
Platonic friendships
Queerplatonic “zucchinis”
Non-monogamous metas
Even (maybe especially) yourself!
I often use guiding principles of the Languages for Modern Love that are featured in my book and workbook, too.
The process involves a combination of learning, unlearning, and compassionate communication designed to name true needs and desires and identify beliefs and expectations that are getting in the way. You might be surprised — and delighted! — by what you find out about yourself and the loved ones in your life!
These are the 18 Modern Love Languages that so many people have found useful in their relationships!
Relationship coaching helps people learn skills, deepen intimacy, break conflict patterns, communicate with care, and unlearn unrealistic ideas so they can build a stronger foundation from which their relationships can grow and thrive. Relationship coaches like me provide a neutral space for our clients to voice needs and desires, learn (and unlearn) how to communicate with each other, set and work toward specific goals, and practice tools with the goal of nourishing and fortifying their relationships.
Being in relationship with ourselves and others is not intuitive. There is no roadmap or universal guide, and we certainly don’t learn anything useful about them in school, which means most of us have been left fumbling around trying to figure it out on our own.
What is relationship coaching?
Romantic partners and married couples
Best friends
Platonic or queerplatonic partners
Business partners
Lovers and metamours
Girlfriends, boyfriends, goyfriends, joyfriends
Siblings
Roommates
Significant others
Neighbors
and more! (Notice that it’s not just romantic relationships?)
What kinds of people get relationship coaching?
Instead of receiving caring, values-neutral information about how to be in relationship throughout our lives, we are bombarded by tropes, stereotypes, and unrealistic expectations about love and relationships in movies, TV, and books while observing the various relationships happening around us — our parents or caregivers especially — so we can make note of what we do (and very much don’t) want for ourselves. If only we could learn how to “relationship” through osmosis!
Some of the unhelpful stuff we pick up along the way include made-up rules, standards, and checklists for how to tell whether a partner or friend is right for us, or whether we should stick with a relationship or cut them off for good. Sometimes we search for signs from an invisible entity, hoping that they can guide us or tell us what to do so we can avoid having uncomfortable thoughts and conversations.
We might even scroll through the #relationshipadvice hashtag on TikTok looking for the vids with at least a million views because they MUST have something useful in them. All the while, we feel embarrassed or ashamed that we’re not able to “just know” what we’re feeling, what we need, and how to navigate the conflict or stickiness in our relationships like those influencers online can. (SPOILER: They can’t.)
Feeling stuck or stagnant
Having the same fight over and over
Needing help negotiating relationship agreements
Wanting to learn new or different tools together
Feeling ready or curious to change the relationship arrangement
Experiencing changes in sexual desire
Wanting to try something new romantically or sexually
Preparing for a big or exciting life change
Needing a neutral third party in the room
Working through conflict or friction
Needing a safe and neutral space to talk in
Needing compassionate help and guidance so you don’t have to do it alone
and more! (Notice that it’s not always a stressful or difficult reason?)
What do people get relationship coaching for?
Expecting to “just know” how to get along with ourselves and the people we love, especially as we change and evolve, is as fair and logical as expecting ourselves to “just know” how to spell, make apple pie, build a birdhouse, or speak Italian.
In other words, it’s not.
This is why coaches (and educators and tutors and therapists) exist!
What people have to say about working with Anne:
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“Anne has widened the perspective through which I see the world, helped me navigate tough conversations with my partner, helped me heal my relationship with my body (which is ever-going and always so difficult to find someone who can hold space for this) and she has helped me heal my relationship with men.”
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“Having Anne as an unbiased, neutral, and skilled third party definitively and positively changed our trajectory.”
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“My partner and I were exploring a less traditional relationship type, and although Anne was aware this was our goal, she knew enough and cared enough to slow us down and bring us to a place of understanding fundamentals of communication and respect.”
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“I went into my first session with Anne hoping to become a better partner. And while I believe I accomplished that, I left feeling like I had become a better person. If that’s not a testament to the incredible power of her work, I don’t know what is.”
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“Anne empowered me to take an active role in discovering and addressing some of the long-held issues I’ve been clinging to for decades. She also helped me understand how some of the ways I’ve defined myself for most of my life might be counterintuitive to my own happiness.”
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“With Anne, I always felt heard, validated, and understood. And maybe most importantly, that skeptical, straight-laced Midwestern boy [in me] learned that if you go into an argument with a goal other than winning, life can get a lot easier.”
Book an appointment!
Scheduling with me is easy! Click or tap on the calendar and you’ll see all of my open appointment times for online sessions over the next few weeks.
I recently opened an office in Portland, OR! Click here to schedule an in-person session with me.
If you have any questions along the way, feel free to email me at anne@annehodder.com.
